I am experiencing the most pure love for, hope in, and inspiration from someone I have never met. This new relationship is causing such a vulnerability in me, challenging me to grow, learn, love and live in the way that Jesus truly desires for me.

We found out 4 and half months ago that we were going to have a precious angel baby. Although we were thrilled and thankful from the beginning, we are learning each and every day the extent of this blessing and miracle. This week, our angel is 20 weeks (or 5 months) old, and we are halfway to meeting this new little person.

Although I knew our lives would change, the experience is more amazing than I could have ever have imagined. When Keith and I got married, we experienced such a growth. We were, and are, challenged by each other and our relationship to grow and to always allow Jesus to mold us into the people he wants us to be and truly are. Becoming parents is challenging and inspiring us on a totally different level. It is inspiring an even greater vulnerability to give ourselves to Jesus, so that our angel will see and experience Jesus' love within us. I have such a hope that I won't have to TRY to be a good parent, and that I won't have to TRY to be the person that I want to be. But that by giving all of myself to the Lord, His love, kindness, hope, joy, and truth will be reflected.

Ever since I became a Christian I have known that this was the only way to live fully. To be completely surrendered to Jesus who is my inspiration, my hope, and my love. Although I have known this, and have surrendered aspects of myself to the Lord, I know that there are many areas of myself and my life I have held onto. So why not be honest for a moment about the things I have not given fully:

• My body image
• My cynicism 
• My sense of entitlement to offense when I see hypocrisy or contradictions
• My struggle with being truly vulnerable before I feel like I can trust people fully
• My struggle with being open and vulnerable after I have been offended (even if not personally)
• My struggle with being open and vulnerable in general... sometimes I feel like it is only Keith who sees all of me
• My stubbornness to not blindly allow my surroundings to mold me, sometimes causing me to go against something just because I don't want to just be like everyone else (Am I 13 yrs old still??)
• My shame from my insecurities leading me to seek approval in the wrong places
• My people pleasing nature

There are, I am sure, so many other areas I have not given fully to Jesus, but these are the things I have been reminded of lately. 

The reason I am going through these aspects of myself and surrendering them to Jesus for the first time, or again, is so that my little angel will not be influenced by these things in such a way that they will manifest themselves in her. She will enter our lives as such a pure and innocent child. My hope and desire is to learn from the innocence and purity that God has placed in her, and to teach her Jesus' love for her and the world. 

I am almost moved to tears every time I feel her kick. I know that sounds so silly, but each little love tap reminds me of her beauty and of the joy that she is creating, and will create by just being. I love her with all of my heart. 

The thankfulness I feel for who her Daddy is, is overwhelming. Keith Peavy swept me off of my feet 7 years ago with a love that I could have never imagined. He has been the most influential person in my life, and I love and adore him more and more every day. He is so genuine and sincere that people are actually skeptical of him in the beginning. He looks at the world and at life and always see the magic. He has such an interest and a curiosity in the world, which inspires me to always look outside of myself and my surroundings. I couldn't imagine a more amazing father for our little girl. She will grow up seeing the magic in the world around her. Keith is also the more vulnerable of the two of us. I am so thankful for this quality in him, and there is no way I will ever get away with closing myself off. Thank God for bringing us together in all of our imperfections to inspire some sort of balance in each other. 

When we moved to Norway, we knew that the repercussions would be that we would miss out on the lives of dear friends and family back home. This breaks our heart daily, and especially in times when there are new babies entering the world, wedding vows being given, and illnesses being overcome. We wish with all of our hearts we could be a part of our loved ones daily lives. This is unfortunately not the case, but there are ways we can better share what is going on in our lives. I have loved reading the blogs of friends. You get to experience their lives with them through their thoughts, pictures, stories, etc. We hope to use this blog to be able to share more of our lives, especially as this little angle grows, and as we develop into parents. Keith and I will both update with our thoughts and pictures:)